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Singles and the Family of GodA Sermon Delivered on January 26, 2003 |
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This series on family living ought to be seen in the light of this idea. It is challenging and tricky to live in the world but not of it, but that is what it is we are called to do. So often, we are bombarded with what the world thinks about marriage and family living, and it is not at all what the Bible would tell us is the way we ought to live. It's very easy to hear in our offices the radio playing with the latest love song sharing about love and marriage. Sometimes when I find myself out on visitation rounds, visiting in the hospital or in the nursing home, I hear in the waiting rooms the radio or the TV, giving the world's impression of marriage and family living. Many of these opinions are a far cry from what true family living ought to be. Sex out of wedlock and divorce for any reason whatsoever is what the world is saying, but it is not what the Scriptures have to say at all. Marriage as being easy, always romantic, always fulfilling all of our needs is far different from the New Testament picture of submitting to one another and preferring one another in love. We need a different picture than what we hear from the media, and that is why periodically we need to be reminded and refreshed by God's word so that we might know what is the right path, the one that will lead to spiritual blessing. It is a hope that this series has encouraged us to see the pathway to blessing even though at times the road to blessing may be hard and challenging. Today we come to the completion of our series on New Testament family
living. We will be considering the value of being single. There are many
reasons why we should look at this topic today. Once again, the Bible
has something to say about it, and the world once again is confused about
it. A second reason why we ought to consider this topic is that all of
us at one time have been single. We entered this world single. Many of
us will leave this world single. It is a calling that God has given or
will give to many of us, and Scripture has something to say about it.
A third reason we should look at this topic may simply be that of being
courteous. Those who are single have sat through 3 messages on marriage;
we owe those single a message on the value of being single. So, in that
spirit, let us turn to 1 Corinthians 7 and let us look at the value of
being single in the family of God. Paul certainly found being single a worthy calling for himself, as we know that Paul was single. In 1 Cor 9 he says that he would rather be without a wife than take a wife. The text to consider is 1 Cor 9:4-5 which reads, "Don't we have the right to food and drink? Don't we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord's brother and Cephas?" Here Paul is using rhetorical questions in which the answer is "Yes, we have the right." Yes, we have the right to food, and we have the right to take a believing wife, but we don't take these rights because there are other issues involved. He emphasizes this when he concludes in 1 Cor 9:12 saying, "But we do not use this right. On the contrary, we put up with anything rather than hinder the gospel of Christ." Paul refuses his right to be married so that his life and witness may progress. From Paul's perspective being single can be a good thing. From his perspective, being single is a benefit for work and witness. It could even be said from Paul's vantage point that being single, rather than being married, has the greater potential for service in God's kingdom. Now this is quite a different picture than what we hear of singleness from the world's perspective and also from the perspective of the Christian church at large today. Most in the Christian church at large (not necessarily our church) find being single to be a lower status. While it is not often stated like this, some within the church, unfortunately, find being single to be second rate. An undercurrent in some Christian circles is if you really want to be part of the in-crowd in the church, then you should be married. If you really want to be progressing in life, then you will be married. If you really want to be a leader in the church, then you must be married. If you really want to find happiness, then you ought to be married. Not so says the apostle Paul. God can use single people in great ways. For that matter not so says the life and witness of so many other Biblical people. While we will not be looking at length at these people, consider for a moment these noteworthy people from the Bible who were well known, joyous and contented Christians and were single and not married. The most notable example, of course, is our Savior Jesus. He was never married. He was single. Despite some recent movie portrayals of Jesus like "The Last Temptation of Christ" which assumed that Jesus of course would have wanted to have an intimate relationship with Mary Magdalene, we know of no text in the Scriptures that gives us even an inkling that Jesus was discontent because he was single. Moreover, and this is obvious, but it is worth stating anyway, we have no suggestion at all that he was second rate in God's family because he was single. On the contrary, because he was single, he was able to better fulfill his calling in life. There were many other noteworthy people in the family of God who were
also single. Many of the disciples were single; many of the Old Testament
prophets like Elijah, Jeremiah, Amos, and Daniel were single. They had
a high calling, did tremendous things in God's kingdom, received blessings
because they were single, and will be remembered throughout the ages as
faithful people in God's sight. Being single was not a second rate status.
In fact, God used their singleness for a greater good. Let's focus on that last portion for a moment. Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and Paul wants to spare us from this. It is likely that Paul is thinking about the number of grain shortages affecting Corinth at that time. That is what many believe is the meaning of this phrase "the present crisis" from verse 26. With grain shortages came a lack of food, which would provide strain on a family. With many of these grain shortages, we know that riots resulted, once again leading to stress and strain on a family for its safety. In fact, we know from some ancient manuscripts that the fear of famine at that time even led to people being on a rampage, the storming of estates in search for food, and even the burning of people's homes and the stoning of people who had food. As Seneca, the 1st century Roman philosopher and orator said, "Hungry people do not listen to reason." Raw emotions dictate behavior. This can help make greater sense as to why Paul would argue that it is better not to be married. With more mouths to feed, more bodies to take care of, more emotional stress comes on the married person than on the single. While we are not experiencing famine or riots because of famine in our part of the world, it is a simple fact that when we are married our emotional stress is greater. It goes along with the territory of being married. Those of us who are married likely are concerned about our spouse's health. It is a good thing for us to be so concerned about how our partner in life is feeling, but that is an added concern. For some of us who have faced a battle with a spouse's health, we know how that can be a burden. If it is not our wife or our husband, we can be burdened for the health of our children. Of course, it is good for those of us who are married with children to care for the health of our children. Many of us know, however, how a day, how a week, how a year can change when one of our children is ill. That is a care that a married person has. It is not the care of a single person. The cares of in-laws also can be an issue. Many are the complaints or difficulties that people have with their in-laws. Even if things are going well, issues with parents and in-laws can be of concern. Being single also helps avoid some of the intense emotional tests that are found in marriage. Some of these tests have been noted by authors. Consider the great poet T. S. Elliot, who was very good with words and very deep personally. He writes this about marriage, "Marriage is the greatest test in the world . . . It is much more than a test of sweetness of temper, as people sometimes think; it is a test of the whole character and affects every action." Marriage is a great emotional test, involving all of our being, says this great poet. Sometimes it involves great pain as Helen Rowland wittingly writes about, "Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without anesthetic." The great anguish of marriage can also be heard in the writer of Proverbs 25:24 when he says, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Having seen some of the roofers doing work on our roof in the bitter cold this past week, I doubt that there could be too many more miserable spots than the corner of a roof. Yet according to this writer of Proverbs, the place that is worse to be is in a house with a quarrelsome wife. When one is single, one does not need to experience some of the intense
emotional strain that can be found in marriage. Much of this type of emotional
stress is minimized. If you are called to being a single person, the emotional
distress is likely less. There are many of God's people throughout the years who have found that being single has produced more time for them to develop their individual gifts. One such example is John Stott, the well-known British preacher and author. Stott served as the curate, rector, and then rector emeritus to All Souls Church in London, England since 1945. That is nearly 60 years of service to that parish in London. For 32 years during that time, he served as the chaplain to the queen. In 1970 he began travelling extensively overseas and has pioneered a ministry effort to assist third world Christians in need. In his extensive travels, he has spoken to hundreds of international pastors helping to train them in the essentials of Christian ministry. As a result of his travels a notable literature program and scholarship program were established for third world Christians. Then, in his spare time, he authored 40 books including Basic Christianity and The Cross of Christ, books that will likely become classics in our time. He is an exceptional man, a great preacher, scholar, and writer. Being single allowed him the time to fulfill his calling in life. This is one of many other remarkable stories of single Christians whose time was freed up to be devoted to the Lord in greater ways. Consider on the other hand, how one's Christian service is challenged from the stresses of marriage. Consider for example the great missionary William Carey who lived in the late 1700's and the early 1800's. William Carey was the great missionary from London to India. He did many wonderful things on the mission field such that his name is used as the name of many Christian schools and mission groups. He was a great pioneer helping to establish the word of God in the Indian language and eliminating the practice of sahti, that is burning of widows upon the husbands funeral pyre. What is often less well known, however, is the stress of his own marriage which became an inhibitor to his work. His wife Dorothy struggled greatly following her husband's calling, and went insane due to all of the great adjustments that the family went through in moving to India. At one point she even threatened his life with a knife in her hands. So great was the stress on his life and on his mission from his marriage. (By the way, if you are interested in William Carey's story, we have it on video by Gateway films in our church library.) Christian service can be challenged as a result of marriage. We have spoken of Christian service, but there are many other great pursuits
that are more easily accomplished while single. Higher education is easier
to undertake while single than while married. In some circles getting
a doctorate is known as the single man's degree. Many are the couples
that we have talked to over the years who said that it was far easier
for them to obtain their higher degrees while single or without children
than when married and with children. Great artistic accomplishments, too,
are likely easier achieved when one is single than married. There is more
time to practice, play, sculpt, and write when one is single than when
there are others to be dependent upon. A sound financial base is generally
more easily achieved while single than while married. It is easier to
travel and experience the greatness of this world when we are single than
when we have a family. Greater devotion, less divided attention, freedom
to pursue one's calling in life is oftentimes more likely when we are
single than when we are married and need to care for other dependents. Before addressing this head on, please remember that this message is not an encouragement for everyone to be single. I am not trying to talk us all into being single today. Rather, I am hoping to raise the status of being single; it is a high and worthy calling of God. Thus, when it comes to loneliness, it may indeed be a driving factor for why the Lord would want us to marry. Being single is not necessarily for everyone, and loneliness could be a factor that would spur us onto being married. The issue of loneliness, however, ought to be examined further if it is the only factor for pursuing marriage. Some mistakenly think that loneliness is gone with marriage. While looking into this issue this past week, I was amazed at the number of quotes that I read that stated that loneliness could be a large part of some marriages. Sorry to pass along a few discouraging quotes, but these do illustrate that loneliness can occur inside a marriage as well as being outside of marriage. Helen Rowland writes this, "When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of all the other men of her acquaintance for the inattention of just one." Gary Thomas, who has written an excellent small volume on marriage entitled, Sacred Marriage writes this, "The average married couple actively communicates on the average twenty-seven minutes a week. The most meaningful words that they exchange is on the average on their third date." Here are two quotes of which I could share with you many more but for sake of time I won't. Loneliness can be found within marriage as much as outside of it. Loneliness also ought to be viewed from another vantagepoint. Here I appeal to many Christian pastors and teachers who in dealing with the concern of loneliness and singleness wonder if the real issue is not loneliness but being discontent. Loneliness, of course, means solitude, isolation, feeling separated and detached without someone close to care for. This is quite different, however, from being discontent, which means to be dissatisfied, unhappy, displeased, and disgruntled. According to many who have worked in the areas of single ministry, being lonely is quite different from being discontent. I am inclined to agree with them. Loneliness and discontentment each need different solutions. If we can return to the Scriptures now, it is interesting that Paul never says anything about being discontent as being reasons to marry in 1 Cor 7. He mentions the issue of self-control saying, "that it is better to marry than to burn with passion" in 1 Cor 7:9. Yet, he never mentions the issue of being discontent. Probably, this is so, because Paul knew contentment is found in one's relationship with God. Paul was likely one of the most contented Christians that we see displayed throughout Christian history. We have already noted that he was single, but that did not make him discontent. He dealt with many problems such as intense criticism, personal attacks, threats of death, but these did not make him discontent. He spent a great deal of time writing from prison cells, places where there was extreme isolation, loneliness, and certainly places where he would feel discontentment. Yet Paul's testimony always was of a higher power and a higher grace at work in his life. 2 Cor 11:24-28 records some of the constant extreme trials, loneliness, and stress that were a part of his life that could lead to discontentment. The verses state, "Five times I have received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I received a stoning. Three times I was shipwrecked; for a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from bandits, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers and sisters; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, hungry and thirsty, often without food, cold and naked. And, besides other things, I am under daily pressure because of my anxiety for all the churches." That is quite a testimony, isn't it? Yet only a few verses later, Paul could then write these well known words in 2 Cor 12:10, "Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong." Paul found strength for weakness. He found strength to overcome being discontent and also extreme loneliness when he turned to the Lord. In another part of his writing, Paul talks about his great ability to find contentment in the Lord. In a time of great loneliness in a prison cell, Paul was then able to write these words found in Philippians 4:11-13. They are favorite verses of many Christians. The passage reads, "Not that I am referring to being in need; for I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Contentment could be gained from deepening one's relationship with God. Paul, of course, is not the only person who found spiritual solutions
for contentment. Many single Christians even in our age have found contentment
in Christ. Dag Hammarskjold, gifted politician, accomplished scholar and
athlete, and former secretary General of the United Nations, and also
a single adult had this to say when it came to the loneliness of singleness.
He says, "Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something
to live for, great enough to die for." Perhaps, that is a challenge
for us as singles or marrieds, to find our contentment in the Lord, to
take that loneliness to him in prayer or in devotion to serving Christ
more. Consider our thought for meditation from Eph 2:19 which says, "Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household." Some of you may recognize this verse from the past years when we have brought new members into this church. Rev Karen Gallagher has read it for us at the conclusion of this induction. The impression from the verse is that before you were Christians you were foreigners and aliens. It's not that before joining us we considered you as from another nation or from another planet, although perhaps some of our new members wondered about some of us if we were from another planet. The sense from this verse is that you were outside of the household, outside of the family, but now we as the church recognize you as being a part of the household. You now have all of the rights and benefits of the Christian family. No matter what your status, married or single, if you are in Christ and commit to this church, choosing to supporting its work and witness then you have full family rights. Over the past few years, I have been very encouraged to observe a conscious effort to reach out to singles in our church. Some of you consciously take singles with you on trips, make time to visit someone who is single, and include singles in lunches after church. What a great way to help build God's family and not isolate singles and families. There has even been a very active group called Single Friends Alive which has emerged to do social things together, some of these being very adventurous. From my vantagepoint, it is likely that we can do even better involving singles in our church, but these are good indicators that singles are welcome here. If you are single, we hope that you will feel even more a part of this family of God. Well, we have looked at a lot with regards to singles today. We have first concluded that being single is a high and worthy calling of God; it is even a gift or a present from Paul's perspective. It is not everyone's calling, so please do not conclude that Drake said that he wants everyone to be single. It's not my calling now, although it was for a number of years and could be in years to come. Being single can have great advantages for pursuing one's calling and gifts while minimizing emotional distractions. So, if you are single, let me encourage you as Chuck Swindoll, a gifted radio preacher said, "If you are single and playing solo, then sing out!" We need you in the body of Christ to fulfill your calling for the greater good. And if you are thinking about switching states from married to single, do appreciate what it is that you are trading in. Talk to your friends and family before considering such a switch. Have a word of prayer with one of the pastors. Even if we do not understand your situation, we will always pray for you. And most of all seek the Lord from whom all contentment and joy really springs.
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