Matthew 19:1-12: “Divorce: The Painful and the Permissible”
How we understand divorce.
  by Rev. David McKinley

Matthew 19:1-12: “Divorce: The Painful and the Permissible”
Subject: How we understand divorce.

Date: April 19, 2009

INTRODUCTION
          Humankind has been responsible for many inventions.  Some of the great ones are the automobile and Penicillin.  Some of the bad ones: Abortion and the atom bomb.  As humans, we have the ability to make and devise good, or create and employ evil.  With this in mind, where does divorce stand? 
         
Divorce is a human creation, so thinks Biblical counselor and Professor Jay Adams.  He states: “How did divorce begin?  No one knows.  Its origins lie somewhere back in the dusty past of human history.  Unlike marriage, divorce is a human institution.  The available evidence shows that although divorce is recognized, permitted and regulated in the Bible, unlike marriage, it was not instituted by God.  The Scriptures record no act of God, either directly, or through His prophets and apostles, in which He established, or institutionalized, divorce.  God did not originate the concept as a part of His order for society.  Divorce, then is a human innovation.” 1

  It is interesting how we arrive at this subject.  Jesus transitions from His time in Galilee to Judea, beyond the Jordan River.  He is making His way to Jerusalem, where He will meet His final days on earth before the cross.  At this point, His popularity is at an all time high.  He cannot go to any village without the throngs following Him.  And, in typical Jesus fashion- “He healed them.”  In verse three the Pharisees approached him.  But they did not come as friends.  They came “testing Him.”  They raised a controversial subject, the subject of divorce.  What can we understand from this exchange?  How does my present understanding of marriage and divorce compare with Jesus’ words?  Is there call for a change of my mind?  What would God the Holy Spirit teach me today?  We first see that…

1. IN JESUS’ DAY, THE UNDERSTANDING OF DIVORCE WAS MIXED.

In Jesus’ day, there was an ongoing debate between two well-known schools of thought, represented by rabbis Hillel and Shammai.  Their understanding of divorce was based on Deuteronomy 24, which reads: “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house…”
Hillel taught that any and every reason for divorce was permissible.  Shammai advocated that divorce was permissible only under conditions of gross indecency.  The Pharisees were interested how Jesus stood on the subject, to possibly catch Him in a contradiction.  Dr. Drake helps us understand the religious and cultural diversity in Jesus’ day when he writes: “Certainly the Greek and Roman influence in the Roman Empire led people to believe that divorce for any and every reason was a possibility.  In Greco-Roman times, all one needed to do was simply leave the house.  …moving out was all that one needed to do to divorce.  One could wake up one morning, want a divorce and simply leave.  There did not even need to be papers processed and certainly no appearance before a court of law was necessary.” 2

I will say that I understand something about divorce.  There are those within my immediate family who’ve been divorced and have divorced others.  For the record, I am not against divorced people.  I pray that I never have to experience it.  But I am not in favor of divorce for any and every reason.  Under extreme circumstances, it is permissible.  The problem lies in our individual knowledge of what is extreme.  In seminary, we called them the three A’s.  They are the following:

Abuse:  There are those situations when someone is being grossly mistreated and abused.  Sometimes this means that their very lives could be at stake.  At other times, the mental manipulation and abuse doesn’t mean a physical risk, but could certainly lead to a mental breakdown.  What is one to do in this instance?  Divorce is an option.  Not the only option; but nonetheless, an option.

Then there’s abandonment.  There are times when one does not want a divorce, yet the other partner simply walks out; never to return.  Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:15: “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.” 

Lastly, there is adultery.  Here is a sexual breach of trust.  Sexual intimacy broken to the point of no repair.  Jesus cites adultery as a legitimate reason for divorce in our passage.  In a day when sexual desires go unbridled and passions abound, Hebrews 13:4 tells us: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”  But is divorce always an option?  Even when trust is broken, is there still no hope?  With God there is always hope.  But we must recognize that within our culture, marriage is seen as dispensable and a device only to enhance our lives, never to endure.  That must change, if we are going to have healthier families and reverse the dangerous trends.

1.  THOUGH GOD’S UNDERSTANDING ON DIVORCE IS FIXED, HUMANKIND’S UNDERSTANDING IS INSUFFICIENT AND CORRUPT. 

Jesus cites Genesis 2:24 as a basis for His understanding of marriage.  That verse is our Thought for meditation in our bulletin and  reads: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”  Notice verses 7-8: “7 "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" 8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” 

Today, the hearts of people are hard, as well.  George Barna, the Christian social researcher states: “Government statistics and a wealth of other research data have shown that co-habitation increases the likelihood of divorce, yet cohabitating is growing in popularity.  Studies showing the importance and value of preparing for marriage seem to fall on deaf ears.  America has become an experimental, experience-driven culture.  Rather than learn from objective information and teaching based on that information, people prefer to follow their instincts and let the chips fall where they may.  Given that tendency, we can expect America to retain the highest divorce rate among all developed nations of the world.”    3

          Furthermore, the Pew Research Center reported the findings of a survey done in February and March of 2007.  It stated that among adults of all races, only 38% felt that divorce should be avoided except in an extreme situation, compared to 58% believing that divorce is preferable to maintaining an unhappy marriage.  Notice the division between men and women:  Among men, 41% felt that divorce should be avoided except in an extreme situation, while 55% believed that divorce is preferable to maintaining an unhappy marriage.  Among women, the difference was even starker.  35% believed that divorce should be avoided except in an extreme situation; while 61% held that divorce was preferable to maintaining an unhappy marriage.   4
       
   But this does not change God’s view of the marriage union.  It is something permanent, dissolved only under extreme circumstances.  So fixed was God’s establishment of this sacred institution that Jesus says in verse 9: “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." 10 The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry." 11 Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.”

A wonderful sermon of clear truth is found on Central’s website by Dr. Drake Williams of Tyndale Seminary, and former Minister of Spiritual Enrichment.  The title of it is “Divorce for Any and Every Reason,” preached in January of 2003.  It contains some valuable information in it.   5 Another invaluable resource is Jay Adam’s Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible.

          So what is the application for this passage?  I think there are three:  First of all, we must…Prepare: For one, I think those of us that are married need to do all that we can to prepare ourselves for rough times.  That means honoring your mate above your feelings and entitlements.  For those who are single and unmarried, you need to invest some time in educating yourself on what it takes to have a good marriage. 
Secondly, we need to prevent divorce.  How do we do this?  By being defensive. By praying for our own marriages and marriages around us.  Do you feel a sense of obligation to the marriages of others.  In a church this size, there have been some of us who’ve not helped the marriages of our brothers and sisters.  Maybe you’ve been a confidant and you’ve suggested something les than God’s standard?  Whatever the case, you are your brother’s keeper and you need to respect the marriages of others. 

Thirdly, some of us need to repent.  If you have been involved in a divorce or have suffered a divorce, ask yourself the honest question, could I have done something differently?  What did I do to contribute to this situation?  What can I do next time, if there is a next time, to keep my marriage from ending prematurely? 

CONCLUSION
          Though God’s understanding on divorce is fixed, humankind’s understanding is insufficient and corrupt.  Sometimes we just need a change of perspective and realize the full ramifications of our choices.  We need to consider things from God’s perspective.  Newspaper columnist and minister George Crane tells of a wife who come into his office full of hatred toward her husband.  “I do not only want to get rid of him; I want to get even.  Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me.” 

          Dr. Crane suggested an ingenious plan.  “Go home and act as if you really loved your husband.  Tell him how much he means to you.  Praise him for every decent trait.  Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible.  Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him.  Make him believe you love him.  After you’ve convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb.  Tell him that you’re getting a divorce.  That will really hurt him.” 

          With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, “Beautiful, beautiful.  Will he ever be surprised!!”  And she did it with enthusiasm.  Acting “as if.”  For two months she showed love, kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, sharing.  When she didn’t return, Crane called.  “Are you ready not to go through with the divorce?  “Divorce!” she exclaimed.  “Never!  I discovered I really do love him.”  Her actions had changed her feelings.  Motion resulted in emotion.  The ability to love is established not so much by fervent promise as often as repeated deeds.

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